We live in a culture that is very uncomfortable with the subject of grief and loss. Myths about grief and the grieving process have developed as a result of this discomfort. Today, I want to go through seven common myths about grief that are quite prevalent and familiar to many people.
These and other myths are a big reason many grievers can feel stuck in their grief and unable to grow and thrive again. Lets take a closer look at each of these myths.
Myth #1) IT JUST TAKES TIME
Another version of this same myth is Time heals all wounds.
The mind is searching for an answer to the pain of grief. It is difficult to watch someone you love caught in the grips of grief. Somehow the thought that more time will change the painful feelings is assumed to give grievers hope. Grief is not about time. Grief is about a hurting heart.
Myth #2) PUT ON A HAPPY FACE. YOU WILL FEEL BETTER
We tend to be a culture of shallow smiles and disconnected feelings. All the new talk about the Law of Attraction places even more emphasis on being happy. It can be difficult for the grieving to move from pou cheats grieving to a place of genuine happiness. Putting on a big smile while one is crying inside can create deep inner conflict and confusion.
Myth #3) BE STRONG. OTHERS ARE DEPENDING ON YOU
This myth can be a real energy drainer. What does being strong really have to do with grieving? But being strong is such a prevalent mandate with much of Western culture that it can be difficult being real rather than pretending to be strong.
Myth #4) KEEP BUSY. YOUVE GOT TO GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE
Those who are grieving often hear suggestions from others to keep busy in order to take your mind off your grief. Sometimes grievers launch themselves into frantic activity in the hopes of filling the void left with the routines of life with their deceased loved one ends. But that void cannot really be filled. The frantic behavior often develops into a chronic search for the relationship which can not longer be.
Myth #5) REPLACE THE LOSS AND GO ON WITH YOUR LIFE
We often begin learning about this myth at an early age when a family pet dies. Parents often almost immediately bring home a new pet to replace the dead pet. In essence, the child is learning that the appropriate thing to do is to replace a loss immediately.
Myth #6) PUT MORE STRUCTURE IN YOUR LIFE
Adding more and more to ones calendar really does not heal grief. Outside structure does not heal the inner turmoil of disintegrating loss. Your loved one is gone. There is a festering wound inside that will not be healed by structure. Grief is not an intellectual challenge to be strategized with structure and order. The domain of grief is the heart, not the mind.
Myth #7) SOCIALIZE. IT WILL TAKE YOUR MIND OFF YOUR GRIEF.
Familiar surroundings and people can become lonely shrines to a shared life that no longer exists. Socializing with old friends can seem very awkward. The griever feels awkward and the friends also can feel awkward. Your loved one is not present.
For more information on moving past grief, visit http://movebeyondgrief.com/
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